[fire crackling]
[bells ringing]
[traditional Indian music playing]
[Christiane] Delhi is both the political brain
and the protesting fist of India.
The capital city may be more progressive
than many parts of the country,
but it's still a place
where intimacy can be governed
by family, tradition, and religion.
I want to explore
how women can find love
and sexual happiness
if they don’t always have the power to say yes or no.
[theme music playing]
[Christiane] Delhi is a city
of over 18 million people that's constantly growing.
[Christiane] People come here to get an education,
to find work
and maybe even love.
I’m told that habits are becoming more westernized
in Urban India.
Women are marrying later
and young people have more of a say
in choosing a partner.
Oh, I see a boy and a girl,
coming right at them.
[Christiane] So I’m hitting the streets
to learn more about Delhi’s sexual status quo.
I’m sorry to stop you on the street like this,
but I want to ask you about your coupledom.
- We’re not a couple. - [exclaiming] Aw, what are you?
[Christiane] Hi, guys, can I talk to you?
- Salam. - Salam, how are you?
- How are you? - Very good, thank you. Fine.
- We always see you... - On the television?
[Christiane] Are you guys married?
- Yeah we’re married. - For a love match
or was your marriage arranged?
-A love match. -And what did your parents say about that?
Nothing, because the religion was same.
- So it was fine. - Yeah, it was fine
- And you? - I was arranged marriage.
And how did that work out for you?
Good, very good.
And what do you think of the young people
who want to just get married on their own?
They should go for the arranged marriage.
Why?
Because love marriages does not give long time.
[laughs]
Is he related to you?
- Yeah, he’s my father. - He’s your dad! [laughs]
What is it like to date in India?
Because, I mean, you know,
society is quite conservative.
Is it acceptable?
-Yeah. -Can you go around holding hands?
Hugging? [laughs] He’s laughing.
Here in India, you can not roam freely.
I am just holding her hand, nothing else I am doing.
The aunties watch like, "What are you doing, yeah"?
- All the aunties are watching? - Like four eyes.
[Christiane laughs] Four eyes!
Can you kiss?
No, we cannot kiss in public.
Yeah, yeah.
So, do you cuddle? Do you...
Not in public but we do.
Normal intimacy is a good thing,
but too much is against the parents.
Okay, what is normal intimacy?
-Kissing and hugging and holding hands. -Kissing and hugging is okay.
- And too much is what? - Sex.
Sex.
I know this is private
but are you going to
have been intimate before your wedding night?
- [both] No. - No?
-[man] We don’t wish to. -It has been four and a half years
that we are in a relationship, but to that extent, never.
Do you guys have sex before marriage?
[girl] No. [boy] I have.
- You have? - I've done it.
And you? You did? See, boys.
It's okay.
It’s their choice,
I’m not comfortable, so I’m not going to do it.
[little girl] Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
[Christiane] Do we come here with preconceived notions
about what it is to be Indian?
[Sandhya] That’s what they say about India.
Everything you think about India is true
and everything that’s opposite of it is also true.
A lot of Westerners perceive India to be
as this traditional, bound society
which is kind of frozen in time.
We’re a modern nation, we’re a young nation now,
and a lot of it is changing.
[Christiane] Intimacy,
is that something people focus on here?
Um, no.
I didn’t think you were going to say that
-I thought that was a dumb question! -[laughs]
[Christiane] Sandhya Mulchandani
is a Delhi-based journalist turned author.
She writes about love,
erotic literature, and Indian masculinity.
[Sandhya] When you get married, you marry the entire family as you know.
So, my generation
or the ones previous to it,
intimacy was something
the husband would've looked at you saying,
"What are we talking about
because I provide
and I look after you,
so what is intimacy?"
Have you answered that question for yourself?
[laughs] Yes.
[both laugh]
Intimacy is a fairly modern concept today,
for younger people
and it is something that they’re building.
[Christiane] I find it very counterintuitive
that there are young women
talking openly about sex, about what they want.
[Sandhya] Women who wore Saris all their life
suddenly are wearing trousers.
Women who are ambitious, who seek their own partners,
who seek their own career paths
are able to sing, dance, smoke, and be themselves.
It's a huge change in India
and it's aspirational.
[Christiane] I see these notices up,
one that says "Eve Teasing is an offense."
What is that?
Young men who used to think
that was a fun thing to tease women
and a lot of it came from Hindi cinema,
where the hero always teased the girl.
The girl that caught his eye
to kind of turn her attention to him,
but the problem is when it becomes harassment
because then women are scared.
You don’t want to take the men on.
[Christiane] One group of women
who found a way to out-pace some of this unwanted attention
are the Delhi Bikerni.
This all-female biker club
takes on the traffic
and goes on regular rides together.
Today they’ve invited me to come along with them.
We’re heading to one of their roadside hang outs in Gurgaon
on the outskirts of the city.
[Christiane] Alright!
Wow, thank you, ladies.
That was fun! That was a first.
Whoo! It’s like a death trap here
and the cows on the road, whoa!
[Christiane] It’s kind of unusual, isn’t it?
In India, to have a female biker gang.
Typically, women are brought up from childhood
with the thought that you don’t do this,
you don’t do that,
you’re given a lot of things you don’t do
and we’ve broken through all of that.
There are different kind of reactions I get when I ride.
There are people who come up to me
and give a thumbs up,
very happy to see that a female is riding,
but then there is a different lot as well
who tries to be aggressive with me
and tries to come close to me when I’m riding
so that is also there.
Essentially, I started riding a bike
when somebody was teasing me on a bus station
and I said "Okay, enough is enough
I’m not taking this anymore
and I’m not going by public transport."
And just to be clear,
Eve teasing is not some benign little teasing.
It’s harassment,
the real word is harassment.
Do they touch you?
-Yeah. -They’ll touch you, they’ll rub against you,
- grab at you. - Really?
It’s that blatant?
It’s that blatant.
And to any age woman?
Any age woman, it’s not age specific.
It can happen even with minors, actually.
I went through it as a minor as well
so I know that.
Did you experience that?
That’s the reason why I took up riding
because not only does biking give me freedom to ride
but it also saves me from
all that hassle that I go through on the public transport.
I have grown up in Delhi,
all my education has been in Delhi
and I also feel that Delhi’s not a safe place.
I don’t feel safe here.
I’m very sorry to say it but that’s the truth.
[crowd chanting]
[Christiane] Delhi has become the subject
of intense media coverage.
Radicals have been known to attack young couples
for showing affection in public
and groups of women who are out socializing and drinking.
[crowd yelling]
A brutal gang rape and murder in Delhi in 2012
turned the spotlight onto the issue
of sexual violence here,
a subject which many feel has been ignored for too long.
[crowd chanting]
Delhi has since been described as
the fourth most dangerous city in the world for women.
So, that is the reason you decided to get a bike?
That is the reason where I started on a bike.
The thing is with a bike it’s addictive.
It was an extension of my body.
- It was freedom. - [Shabnam] It was freedom
and like she said
the recognition you see in other people’s eyes
that makes such a difference.
[Shabnam] That’s why I’m always there
for young girls trying to learn how to ride.
It gives you a sense of self.
You’re no longer ready to take shit.
I mean you know, amen to that sister.
If a guy has problems with your riding,
he’s not for you.
My way or the highway,
on my bike. [laughs]
Literally! [laughs]
[Christiane] What do you feel
when you know that people all over the world
look at this country and they ask,
"Why is there this violence against women?"
We don’t quite have a culture
where boys met girls naturally
and had friendships,
it’s always seen as a sexual relationship.
[Christiane] And yet this in a culture
that has literally more than 1,000 years
of the Kama Sutra, erotica.
Almost liberal sexuality.
Liberal sexuality which accepted a society of variation
and lived with it comfortably.
Now when you’re actually trying to impose laws
whether it is by judiciary or by politics
or by any other standards
you’re actually hedging in these people
and forcing them into
subverted behaviors, which is not natural.
[Shandhya] But there’s a lot of media coverage
and there’s a lot more awareness
that these things should not be done.
These are ordinary men
stepping back and saying, "I’m not that man."
[Christiane] That’s a good change.
[Shandhya] Yeah, because you cannot change a society overnight.
[intense music playing]
[Christiane] Premarital sex
is considered immoral by most people in India.
Unmarried couples attempting to check into a hotel
will often be refused a room.
And living together before marriage
isn’t always an option either.
Seeking out the right relationship
is difficult at the best of times.
So how does that work in a country
where inter-caste matches,
love marriages, and sex outside of marriage,
are still taboo for so many people?
So, what about the boys?
I mean look, I ask you
in the context of arranged marriages
everyone’s complaining about what it’s like to love, sex, date.
It’s a lot more fun than you’d give it credit for.
- For you? - Yeah, for me.
I mean this is obviously one of those things
where we live in a little bubble.
[Rukun] Liberals, fairly privileged. [Naomi] Yeah, exactly.
Exposure to outside of India.
We’re anglicized as all hell,
so we tend to have gotten a lot of those kind of values.
We did grow up with parents
whose primary concern was
to study, study and study.
As opposed to marry, marry, and marry.
Absolutely. I think we’re very lucky.
What is your sex life like?
- [laughs] - Active?
Yes, very, very much so.
-I don’t like dating one person at a time. -Really?
Yeah. So I think Tinder has been
a lot of help in that regard.
There’s Tinder here?
Oh, yeah. Tinder is huge here.
-I don’t know how I’d meet people without it. -Tinder is huge.
Tinder came in with like full force.
Everybody knew about what Tinder was.
So, slowly it started with the upper crust
and then it just went down to everyone.
But the interesting thing to note is,
Tinder struggled so much
because the country doesn’t know the concept of dating.
So that’s interesting.
-So dating just doesn’t happen here. -[Naomi] Yeah.
Not so much because the idea
that everybody’s always fed is like
we’re priming you up for marriage.
So, a lot of apps now
have to actually put conversations out there,
"This is like what it means to ask someone out."
How has this affected the boys?
They hate it.
It’s one of the only spaces in India
where the girl actually has more power than men.
- Really? - Because there are so many men.
I may be swiping on every guy
and chances are I will match with all of them.
- [Naomi] Yeah. Pretty much. - But the men
will not have the same option.
Because?
I think the difference comes from the fact that in India,
good girls don’t date.
You can date quietly
but you can’t have a public profile out there
that says, "I’m available,
I’m possibly sexually active."
They’re all covertly dating.
You’re doing it but you’re just not letting anyone else know
lest people think you’re not virtuous.
- Not a virgin. - [Naomi] Yeah.
[Rukun] Absolutely.
Is that still a big deal, to be a virgin when married?
[Naomi] It’s still very much a thing where if a guy has fucked around it’s alright
but if a girl has,
he’s going to have to be okay with this,
rather than being not an issue at all.
A lot of Indian women end up discovering their sexuality
online like through erotica,
through writing, through porn.
So porn here is liberating for some women?
- For me it has been. Always. - [Naomi] Yeah, exactly.
Sex-ed in the country is dismal.
The most popular way of learning about sex
is mainstream porn
where, you know, the woman has to be subjugated.
It starts with like the woman giving head.
In the middle, the guy’s gonna go down on her for five minutes,
then finally start having sex.
Eventually ends up with a guy coming on the woman’s face.
And that’s mainstream?
That is mainstream, even in the US.
I think men think that this is how sex is supposed to be had.
Men do very little to accommodate women’s needs.
[Naomi] Oh, yeah, they’re terrible.
-You said they’re terrible. -Men just don’t like to give head.
The penis is still the center of attention.
In this particular culture,
they’ve always seen women as a kind of function of their needs
and their roles.
Certain men in India have a bad reputation.
I’m not entirely certain
that it’s a necessarily Indian thing,
as it is a patriarchy thing.
This kind of stuff happens on American campuses
but you wouldn’t go so far as to say
white frat boys kinda got a bit of a rapey problem happening
over there, you know?
While rape by itself is endemic,
gang rape is, I wouldn’t say as endemic.
There’s a lot of media focus on it.
And yet women like me
are constantly looking at their watch
and being like "Well, this is like dark,
now I need to go home."
-'Cause it’s just too dangerous to walk home in the dark? -[Rukun] Absolutely.
And no amount of privilege
can really help you
because it’s essentially in the fiber of how
schools teach men how to be men.
Parents inculcate little boys with how to be little boys.
[Naomi] When you’re a child, in most of India
you’re not allowed to talk to a boy
until your parents deem you fit to get married.
So don’t talk to boys,
don’t talk to boys, don’t talk to boys,
now fuck this one and have babies.
- [laughs] - [Naomi] It’s ridiculous.
[laughing] And this is why a lot of Indian men
don’t know what to do with relationships.
We were married about 62 years back.
Still, I love him very much,
we fight but not much.
The moment he came in my life
happiness was like, "Okay come on,
let’s be happy together." [laughs]
[Kuldeep] I was getting old
and my mother said, "Why don’t you look for a girl?"
[Niharika] So I didn’t know how to use Tinder.
The moment I pressed the heart
the pictures kept changing
so I kept on clicking on that heart again and again.
He said, "Hello, beautiful smile."
I was like, "Oh, let me talk to this guy."
No, no, no. Let me say something.
My sister wrote to me,
she suggested many boys.
But, in the last line
she wrote this thing that
there’s a boy from DNK.
Something clicked in me,
I thought that this is the boy.
He came on his bullet.
I was like, "Oh my god he has a bullet, yay!" [laughs]
[Abhishek] A bullet is a bike which everyone likes in India, especially.
-She always wanted to have one of those. -I want one.
[laughs]
After that we were meeting every day.
Not even a single day was missed.
[Harshi] They sent me his picture.
He looked a very...
What should I... [speaks native language]
[both] Mischievous.
I fell for that.
-This is how our marriage was fixed up. -[Kuldeep] Fixed up.
[laughs]
I sent her picture to my family.
And they were like, "Is she going to be your wife?"
And then he sent me a screenshot and I was like,
"What is this going on?
I’m still not in love with this guy,
he never asked me, nothing.
And he’s planning to get married to me?"
[Harshi] He said I’m sending you a diamond ring.
It was a very small post office.
They said we have received a parcel,
but there must be two witnesses.
And we didn’t have any witness,
so what to do?
Suddenly it struck me
that I have his letter,
in which he had written "love."
[Harshi] This is the ring.
[Kuldeep] It cost me ten dollars.
But, in that time we had not met.
In India, the arranged marriages, like,
they check your family, what’s your background.
I was telling my Mom,
he’s not of our caste.
The first reaction,
"Which caste then?"
I said, "Does it matter?"
She said, "Yes, it does."
The moment she said that I just say, "It’s okay.
I don’t want you to come to the marriage
and I’ll have a happy life
and then you will regret that’s fine."
And I started crying
because that day I realized I really loved him.
Then my mom realized "Okay, everybody’s happy,
only I’m the one who’s struggling with this."
So she was like, "Okay! Get married!" [laughs]
I said "I won’t meet you
until we get married."
He came one day before
and I only saw his arm.
[laughs] I said
"Seems to be a nice person."
[Christiane] This is the Kinky Collective,
a group dedicated to a BDSM lifestyle.
They’ve asked us to maintain their anonymity
because they don’t feel safe
coming out of the shadows just yet.
[KC] Busting myths to do with BDSM
is one of the main reasons why the Kinky Collective exists.
[Jaya] We have so limited knowledge about kink
that we think kink is something violent.
[KC] In fact, because it is consensual,
it can define what cruelty is not.
[Jaya] The important word here is play.
I’m not really suffocating someone,
not really trying to kill someone.
[KC] It’s about intensity, connection, caring.
[Jaya] It is not about surrendering to someone,
but it is about surrendering.
[KC] Being a dominant or a submissive,
it’s about my pleasure.
The other person can be absolutely anybody,
even a perfect stranger.
[Monty] People don’t judge whether I have money or not,
my caste, my religion,
they don’t give a damn.
Only they think about that you are human
you are into kink,
you are welcome.
[KC] I just let go.
I’m not responsible for anything.
It’s just the two of you,
nothing else in the world matters.
[Jaya] You give up control to the divine.
At that moment,
my dominant is the divine.
[projector clicking]
[KC] This is a woman dominant
and those are two transgender people.
[Christiane] I’ve always assumed
BDSM is about pain and violence.
So, the collective invites me
to see some of their photos
to dispel my misconceptions about kink.
[all laughing]
Should we be surprised that this is happening in India?
I mean, it does have a reputation
of everything but kink.
Mind you, it is the home of the Kama Sutra.
[Jaya] Oh, yes, that’s exactly what I was about to say that
if it’s not in India where it shall be?
Because of the years of British rule
we have actually forgotten our culture.
Even in mythological texts
we find references
to an erotic activity,
bite marks, grabbing of the hair.
-Even in the ancient religious texts? -[Jaya] Oh, yes.
Everything is happening.
And yet you are all anonymous for us today.
[Jaya] Yes, yes we want to be out there in the open
but society is not yet ready to accept.
This is me.
That’s you?
Oh, I wouldn’t have said it,
you’ve surprised me.
[Jaya] Kink is about surprises.
[laughs]
[Jaya] This talks about the gender fluidity.
In our existing society
it’s very difficult to be yourself.
- [Monty] This is my hand. - This is your hand?
[Monty] Yeah, that’s how I find my submission,
my wife was actually practicing knots.
So, your wife is into it?
[Monty] Yeah, she’s right here.
Great, alright.
So, you found the perfect partner for this.
Explain the safe word.
[Monty’s wife] Something is happening that you’re not okay with,
you use your safe word
and you can get out and the scene immediately stops.
Next one. Ah.
[all laughing]
What is it before I get caught doing this?
- [Jaya] A male chastity belt. - Oh.
[laughing]
[Jaya] Talks about the female dominant
where the dominant not only inflicts an amount of pain
which is mutually consented to
but also talks about power.
[Monty] In India there is a phrase called "Joru gagalam"
which means slave to the woman.
- And that’s what you wanted? - [Monty] Yeah.
I am raised up in a very orthodox family
in a very small town
and coming from a patriarchal family
it was very difficult
because, you know, I have to be macho man.
[Jaya] This is a photograph
of a submissive that I was playing with,
having this desire to kiss the feet of a woman.
Is that what a foot fetish is?
[Jaya] Yeah, it can be even worshiping,
even a pedicure
can also be an act of submission.
It’s going to make me think very, very, very hard
- next time I go to get mine. - [laughs]
[Monty] This is where I break a spoon
on somebody’s ass.
- So, you hit somebody’s butt... - [Monty] Yeah many times and...
Until the spoon breaks.
[Monty] Yeah. It was consensual,
she enjoyed it, I enjoyed it.
And, actually, I don’t remember
whether it’s she or he.
It was you?
It was your wife,
and you don’t remember whether it was a he or a she?
There’s something that I’m not computing here.
Would she be able to break a spoon on your behind?
- [Monty] Every day. - Every day! [laughs]
I need to talk to her.
[Monty’s wife] This is me and my husband.
-[Christiane] And you’re Monty’s wife? -[Monty’s wife] Yeah.
[Monty’s wife] I’m a switch
so I’ve gone through different phases
wherein you feel submissive, you feel dominant.
What if you and Monty
are feeling dominant at the same time?
[Monty’s wife] We go out and play with other people.
Do you have a happy marriage?
[Monty’s wife] I have a very happy marriage.
[laughs]
[Jaya] If there’s one most important thing to me
with regards to kink
it is how we deal with consent.
Look at marriage under Indian law,
the husband even if he forces himself upon the wife,
cannot be charged with rape.
Marital rape is not illegal in India.
However, the kink scene is looked at as perversion.
The safe word
completely stops a scene
at whatever point it might be
and unless you have the power to withdraw consent,
it is not absolute consent.
[Christiane] For thousands of years,
India has recognized the Hijra community.
They may be born biologically male,
but they see themselves as female,
or as a third indefinable gender.
[cars honking]
[chattering indistinctly]
[Christiane] Hijras are visible on Delhi’s streets.
[speaking indistinctly]
Begging for money
in return for offering blessings.
They use superstition to extract small handouts.
But, prejudice against them
limits their access to education,
employment, and housing.
[Christiane] Although India enshrined
the right to choose a gender in 2014,
Hijras still often live in poverty
and suffer sexual violence.
Watch your steps here this is a difficult entrance.
[Christiane] I mean firstly, Abhina,
why are we going through this broken area?
I mean, there must be an easier way to get into the park.
Yes, yes, absolutely
and the reason why is that in the night when it is pitch dark,
this park is transformed into a sex work place.
So, this is the entrance where
most of the clients enter into the park.
Almost 80% of transgender are unemployed.
So, the majority of them
have to do sex work to earn their resources.
These kinds of parks in the night
serve them as a professional space.
-A kind of brothel? An outdoor brothel. -Absolutely,
an outdoor brothel.
[Christiane] Abhina Aher is a transgender activist
and she’s offered to walk me through
the complexities of a community
that seems to be both protected
and discriminated against.
[Abhina] I’ve been part of the sex work to be honest with you.
I’m a software engineer but I was not getting jobs.
[Christiane] You're a software engineer?
So, you went from software engineer to sex work?
[Abhina] To sex work and then social work.
-That’s the kind of work that I engage in. -[Christiane] Wow, wow, wow.
Let’s go and meet some of your friends.
-[Abhina] The hijras are dancers, -[music playing]
they are well-wishers.
[singing and bells jingling]
The authentic profession of hijras is buddhi.
Means that whenever there is a baby born,
marriage or some sort of happy occasion,
Hijra will go,
they will play music,
they will dance and give blessings.
Transgender is a big issue around the world right now.
-Obviously in the United States and everywhere. -Yes.
What makes it so different here?
We always had three genders.
All hijra people are considered to be divine
because they are in between.
Neither male, neither female.
And when you go through the castration process
then you have no connections with the world.
You become nirwaan.
Nirwaan is someone that you become more closer to the god.
So this has been
sort of enshrined and part of society
- for a long time? - Absolutely.
[Abhina] Hijras were prominent people.
The stature of hijras
actually came down under the tribal act.
[Christiane] The tribal act when the British came?
When the British came, because when the British came
they saw a temple of hijras for the first time.
For them, homosexuality was a big no
when it comes to the Christianity.
For us, the sex was not something which is taboo.
This is one of the basic needs of the body.
India’s apparently
the only country which has
sexual activity carved on the temple.
You know, I have such a hard time
computing what you’re saying.
You know, sexual activity carved on a temple
and yet today,
it’s worse than Victorian.
Absolutely.
You definitely don’t live a divine earthly existence.
No, we don’t. We have two sides.
On this side we are blessed,
on this side we are cursed.
Somebody wants to touch your feet
to get a blessing and that’s it?
You are isolated from the society.
You are college educated,
you’re a software engineer
and you have to hide in the bushes for clients.
Yes, absolutely,
because when I started transitioning as a transgender person,
I faced a huge amount of stigma in the workplace.
I had to leave that job
and for three years I survived on sex work.
I remember I used to stand
on the railway tracks
to wait for a client and that was a very, very difficult point for me.
Every day when I used to go for the sex work,
Christiane, I did not know
-I was going to survive on that day. -Wow.
I felt that somebody was really sitting on my ego
and pressing it so hard,
almost felt like I should commit suicide.
- Really? - I tried.
I tried to commit suicide three times in my life.
Despite all the troubles you’ve gone through,
are you in love?
Well, I am in a relationship.
To be honest with you, Christiane,
finding love is a difficult thing for a transgender person.
What matters is the person next to you
is willing to accept you the way you are,
with dignity and respect
and treat you as an equal partner.
Everybody has those same desires and needs.
Exactly, love is love.
[chattering indistinctly]
[song playing on the radio]
[Christiane] My preconceptions about relationships in India
involve notions of shame,
family expectation
and fewer choices for women.
But this is hard to reconcile
with their history of eroticism.
Or even Bollywood.
So what happens when this country
is presented with a westernized Indian woman
who makes no apologies for her past?
Sunny Leone was born in Canada,
raised in America,
and found fame here in India.
[Christiane] I like this.
[Christiane] We meet at her friend’s designer showroom
for a fitting.
That’s beautiful.
She was my first show-stopper.
Really? I didn’t know that!
You are a major Bollywood star.
Yeah, I don’t see myself as "major" anything,
but it’s been a nice journey so far.
It’s been a difficult journey.
When people think of India they think,
"Oh, it’s going to be so conservative."
And I worked in the adult entertainment industry
for a really long time.
- As a porn star. - Yeah.
Breaking into this world,
it’s virtually impossible.
Because of that?
[laughs] Because I stood up in front of the entire world and I said,
"Hi, my name’s Sunny Leone
and I’m a porn star from the U.S."
I’m not ashamed of who I am,
I don’t regret any of the decisions that I’ve made in my life.
Accept me or don’t accept me,
it’s not going to bother me.
Given your past,
what’s the reaction to you here?
When I first got here
it was,
"Oh, Sunny’s doing a bold scene"
or "Oh, my gosh she’s wearing a bikini!"
But where it comes up multiple times is
when either something amazing happens,
you know like, I just adopted a baby girl from India.
Did you?
And every headline is
"Sunny Leone,
porn star to Bollywood actress
to now mother," right?
So how do you deal with it then?
- I just don’t. - Because you are very natural,
you’re very yourself, you’re not embarrassed.
I just don’t read the news. [laughs]
Are you trying
to use your visibility
to say something to young women?
I don’t necessarily think of myself
as someone that preaches, "You should be a certain way."
I think it’s more about
making your own choices in life.
A question that pops up a lot is
how can, you know, a young woman in India
be more confident,
or how can she figure out how to get the strength
maybe, that you have and I always say,
it’s telling your husband,
"No you’re going to change the diaper today",
or "No you’re going to do the dishes today."
The idea of an un-gender-bias home.
-That’s actually something that I preach all the time. -You do?
That’s the home that I grew up in.
So that’s definitely not something
that happens here.
No, but I do see a lot of changes happening.
Films here, that’s the news.
They might not watch the news,
but they will definitely watch a Bollywood film.
So, the idea of bringing about social change
through Bollywood actresses
may be a little bit more effective sometimes.
You’re taking part in
commercials for condoms, right?
Condoms and also anti-smoking ads.
And you choose those
because of the social message?
When you come from the West
and you think of a condom, it’s not a big deal.
You’re like, "Yeah, of course you have to use one!"
Here, it’s not something you talk about.
When Bollywood celebrities or these types of people
start preaching these things,
then it becomes a norm.
Delhi is not the norm.
This is a very metropolitan,
very forward-thinking city.
Outside of Delhi,
the young people out there,
they want to see change too.
The only way for change to happen
is if they see that it’s okay.
[Mayyur] Need to reduce it by five inches.
It's long and then it’s a little loose on the waist.
I want to try a sari.
I may be mutton dressed up as lamb
but nonetheless. [laughs]
[Christiane] That’s a nice one.
I got a major Bollywood star
-and a major designer putting me... -In a sari.
- ...in a sari. - Some serious draping.
Beautiful though, the color!
And now we make the pleats.
[gasps]
[Christiane] I don’t know how anybody’s mother
gets dressed up in this every day.
[Mayyur] Millions of women, every day in India.
And they even do yoga and exercise.
- [exclaiming] In this? - In this.
My mom used to wear a sari,
running around, cooking.
Is that what inspired you, your mom?
Yes, definitely.
[excitedly] Oh my god.
[Sunny] Now, try and walk.
[laughs] She’s walking how I walk when I wear a sari!
Can we put some jewelry on you?
[Christiane] This is so opulent.
I do actually feel like a maharani.
Aw, now when you do this... [gasps]
You have to look
sultry and virginal all at the same time.
[laughs]
[laughs] See my face!
[Christiane] The people I’ve met here in Delhi
represent a certain segment of Indian society.
Even with the issues surrounding women’s safety in Delhi,
in many ways
it’s still years ahead
in terms of relationships
than more remote parts of the country.
Caste, clan, religion
and arranged marriage
are still the ties that bind for those on the outskirts.
One man who knows this all too well
is Sanjoy Sachdev,
a journalist and founder of the Love Commandos,
which has just one mission.
To protect the freedom to love.
Okay, what is a love commando?
We are attempting to save lives
of young boys and girls who are in love.
Because they are threatened.
With violence, with killing
in the name of so-called honor.
Usually the woman?
They kill both.
Government of India
has signed the International Declaration of Human Rights.
Article 16,
it says that we will allow marriage by choice only.
But what is happening?
Marriage by arrangement.
Caste, the sub-caste, the super sub-caste...
Brahmin is not allowed to marry a Sikh,
Hindu is not allowed to marry a Muslim.
[angrily] What is this nonsense?
What we call dating,
you don’t have here.
The date goes to public places.
Fundamentalists and, many times,
police catches them, beats them mercilessly.
Really? You’re not just exaggerating?
Even if they are sitting together like this.
Just for putting their arm around each other?
Yeah, they are beaten.
I had friends from Germany.
They live together first,
have children, marry later!
In this country,
people will kill them on the roads.
So what does that mean for a couple’s human connection?
That is what Love Commandos is fighting for.
A couple comes to you,
they’re terrified,
they may be on the wrong side of the culture,
their faith, their parents.
What do you do for them?
All over the country,
we have 450 plus makeshift shelters.
These makeshift shelters are places of normal stay.
[Sumit] Love is the most amazing feeling.
[in Hindi] Love is friendship.
[Christiane] One young couple at the Love Commandos’ Delhi shelter
agrees to talk.
Though for safety,
their identities are hidden.
[Sumit] We have been married three months.
I used to go to my college and her home is on the way.
Then I just could not forget her.
Just thinking about her, about her.
[Priya speaking in Hindi] I liked his face too.
We kept chatting on WhatsApp and fell in love.
[Sumit] We are from different castes.
But the main problem is that
we are from the neighboring villages.
They think any girl and boy
from neighboring villages
are so-called brothers and sisters.
That is why they’re not allowing us to marry.
[Priya speaking in Hindi] I was scared that my family might find out.
They might kill us.
[Sumit] We did not tell anyone,
just came here and got married.
We miss our families.
Every boy, every girl cannot
forget their family so easily.
They’ve tried to get in touch with us,
saying come home.
But if we go home, there is no future of us.
How much people can you kill?
One day, they will have to accept love marriages.
[Sanjoy] We believe that love is this natural right.
Please give them.
Otherwise, country is on a volcano.
Whenever youth has been suppressed,
oppressed,
depressed, and crushed,
there has been a blast
and they have snatched whatever they wanted.
Has it made a difference,
- your work? - Definitely.
Couples who have been helped by us
now they are helping others.
[Harshi] I was most nervous trying to...
I tried to get him.
But he was just...
I took hold of his hand and we became friends.
After our marriage,
I sat in the front on his bicycle
and we roamed about in our city.
We became lovers in one day.
And now it’s 62 years.
[Harshi] Marriage is give and take.
He makes tea for me.
He is very good tea-maker.
I like tea, a lot.
So, every morning,
he’ll make tea for me and then wake me up.
We will chit-chat for a while.
Our conversations are endless.
She has a lot of stories to tell.
And he’s the one who listens.
[both laugh]
[Niharika] We plan together,
we dream together.
I would suggest people,
they should go against their parents and get married, really.
Because if you feel you’re really happy with someone,
that person is going to keep you happy all life long.
- [Harshi] I can kiss? - Yeah!
It’s so easy!
Living together for many more years
is an aspiration, still.
But it's all in the hand of God. [chuckles]